Cynical
by Alene Deirbre
Summary: Taito: set during season one, Tai muses on Matt. slightly angst, very short. it's my first Taito (Yamachi fans would probably like it too) i've never done a style queit like this so i really need opinions so please R


A/N: okay I was sitting here trying to decided what I was going to write for my creative writing class and after countless minutes of agonizing writer's block this idea hot me. Of course I can't turn this in because it has nothing to do with my topic, but hey at lest I'm not just sitting here staring at the computer. Hopefully after I'm done with this I can think of something to write for my paper.

Now time for the important author notes. Okay encase you didn't read this summary (which I can not understand why someone would just click on a fic at random, but hey more power to you random clickers) this is a Taito/Yamachi. I guess this is really Taito because it has no references to Matt's thoughts. Anyway this is Tai musing on Matt. The story takes place sometime during season 1 and it is also a song fic to Dizzy by The Goo Goo Dolls. There is also a small mention of Taiora (did I get that right?), but make no mistake this is Taito. Okay on with the show.

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon nor do I have any claims to the song Dizzy by The Goo Goo Dolls.

~*~*~

__

You're cynical and beautiful

You always make a scene 

You're monochrome delirious

You're nothing that you seem

When I first met you I thought you were two things cynical and beautiful. You are beautiful anyone who says otherwise is either blind or on something very strong. I never even thought guys could be beautiful, but there really isn't any other way to describe your. Everything you do is beautiful, the way you walk, the way you talk, even the way you fight; all of it is beautiful. But then again everything you do is cynical. The way you only smile when you think no one's looking, it's torture that something so beautiful can only be a glimpse. The way you hide behind your cold wall, I've only seen glimpses of the real you. It's so cynical that someone so caring and gentle can only be seen when another is crying. I know the others think you are cold and aloof, I think that is what they like about you, maybe that is why you are so cynical. You're a complete mystery yet the real you and the front are both beautiful, it's absolutely cynical.

__

I'm drowning in your vanity

Your laugh is a disease

You're dirty and you're sweet

You know you're everything I need

I know you are not perfect, I like that about you too. I love your flaws, maybe it's because those are perfect too. The way you believe that no one can ever understand you, that only gives you that cold yet mournful look, but that look is perfect too. There are times when you seem so carefree, you laugh and share in the jokes with the other, those moments are so rare; I guess that makes them even more special. It's strange because I never thought of anyone like this before. Honestly I always thought feelings like these were wrong. Most of my life I've had a crush on Sora, but she's nothing like you. She doesn't make me feel lousy then make me feel like I flying all at once. She doesn't give me bittersweet moments were I can't decided whether I want to cry, slap her, or just bring her into a tight hug. Being with you is an adventure, never dull never boring; it is the greatest adventure of all. Being with you I feel safe, because you always see the danger coming towards everyone else before you see your own problems. Being with you makes me feel weak, because it's impossible to tame you, but it also makes me feel stronger because I feed off your cynical beauty. You are everything I always thought I didn't want, but everything I really need.

__

Everything that you are

Falls from the sky like a star

Everything that you are

Whatever ever you want

You are like some heavenly creature that fell from your home and now you're lost amongst the cruelty of the world. Cruelty you weren't prepared for, cruelty that tore you apart and made you cynical and beautiful. Sometimes I just want to reach out my hand and touch you, just to make certain you're real. Sometimes I see you staring off into space and it's in moments like these, when you seem so far away, that I am afraid you may just grow beautiful angel wings and fly off, away from me.

__

I wanna kick at the machine

That made you piss away your dreams

And tear at your defenses 

Till there's nothing there but me

I hate all of those people who have hurt you. I hate everyone that left you alone and made you believe that was how it was meant to be. I hate everything that tore you apart, everything that made you afraid to cry, everything that made you cynical. I'm sure you weren't always like that. I'm sure there was a time when you were simply beautiful. A time when you cried, laughed, and even care more about the silly things in life rather then the happiness of your brother. I just wish I could see that person, the glimpses are not enough, I want to know you, for who you really are. I wish I could brake down your walls and pull you into my arms. I want you to see me instead of seeing the pain. I wan to sing you lullabies and have you not be afraid to look weak. You're not weak, you never were and never could be; I just wish you could be open. I just wish you could be free of your pain; I wish I could tear down your walls.

__

You're angry when you're beautiful

Your love is such a tease

I'm drowning in your dizzy noise

I wanna feel you scream

It hurts you to admit you need help, it makes you feel crippled. It hurts you when you're angry. You are always the first to apologize. You get angry it's absolutely beautiful, you're free, your not trying to be perfect, you don't care about what every one thinks. It is so beautiful, a more common glimpse; a show that you are alive, but then you apologize. It's cynical, absolutely cruel. I get to see you when you just don't care, and then you apologize. Apologize for what? For letting me know you're human too? I guess that is it; it's so cynical. You tease me with a moment were the walls are down, then you think. You for guilty for raising your voice, for throwing the first punch; you feel angry because you showed emotion. You give me those beautiful glimpses of yourself, and then the cruel mask comes back on. It's cynical. I love it when you talk, and add to the group, I love it when you're silent. The way your eyes seem to see everything, the way I know you have a better idea, but you remain silent. That is cynical. You only remain silent after we've had a fight, you give me a small glimpse and then you torture me with silence. I want to know what you are feeling; I want to know you without the walls. I want to see your beauty; I want to drown in you. I want to know you without the cynical walls.

__

Everything that you are

Falls from the sky like a star

Everything that you are

Whatever ever you want

I will wait; it's hard but I can wait, forever if I have to. You may never feel the same way I feel about you, but someday I will know your beauty. Someday I will brake past the cynical walls that block me from revealing in your enchanting self. Someday I will see you, and who knows maybe you'll see me. Maybe someday you'll look at me and see past my walls. You won't see beauty, not like what is in yourself. You probably will hate what you see but at least you will see me. At least I'll be more then the arms length friend and occasional punching bag. But until I see you I wont let you see me. I don't want to be hurt until after I have seen your beauty. You're perfect, wonderful, and absolutely cynical Yamato Ishida.

~*~*~

Well what did you think? This was my first Taito, in fact it was my first fic focused on a couple so please be brutally honest. I need to know what was wrong, right, if the fic itself should be band to hell. Also if I get enough reviews asking then I will make a second chapter with Matt's pov. And then I might actually get an idea for a plot on this fic. Anyway review, if you want a chapter in Matt's pov then ask, and be very honest so that I know how to improve. Thanks and have a nice day.


End file.
